I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize