1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
