how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
