anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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