I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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