this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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