i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
