I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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