Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
