dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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