What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize