Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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