she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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