ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize