Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
