I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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