it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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