I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
