bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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