So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
