so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
