Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
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