Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me

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  (586): If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me http://tfl.nu/rhnt
  Replies (2) Good night (819) Bad night (1121)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...

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  (440): that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water... http://tfl.nu/dw5a
  Replies (12) Good night (751) Bad night (4224)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  First class.

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  (609): Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass. (1-609): First class. http://tfl.nu/3mby
  Replies (16) Good night (5002) Bad night (743)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.

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  (724): i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall. http://tfl.nu/3lmu
  Replies (12) Good night (7186) Bad night (964)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes

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  (540): all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes http://tfl.nu/yixn
  Replies (34) Good night (8394) Bad night (1388)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.

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  (620): I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks. http://tfl.nu/lsv9
  Replies (12) Good night (6183) Bad night (1047)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome

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  (708): I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome http://tfl.nu/0ypv
  Replies (11) Good night (1776) Bad night (4194)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there

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  (812): Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there http://tfl.nu/jzmv
  Replies (4) Good night (1261) Bad night (765)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  Too much penis in there.

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  (778): Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god" (1-778): Too much penis in there. http://tfl.nu/nb8j
  Replies (8) Good night (1918) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .

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  (215): So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand . http://tfl.nu/gg9e
  Replies (22) Good night (1234) Bad night (2992)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee

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  (812): Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee http://tfl.nu/tqb3
  Replies (3) Good night (733) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.

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  (915): My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME. http://tfl.nu/zcmi
  Replies (8) Good night (671) Bad night (1471)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.

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  (702): Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day. http://tfl.nu/accn
  Replies (1) Good night (462) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.

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  (707): He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro. http://tfl.nu/sp67
  Replies (3) Good night (873) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?

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  (203): What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high? http://tfl.nu/zas2
  Replies (2) Good night (705) Bad night (265)

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