Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?