dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
