dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
