did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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