how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
be right there i have to get my cape
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
