He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
And then he peed in my hair
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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