Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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