Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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