I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
