don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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