i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
