The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
