A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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