Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize