Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
