I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
