I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im holly from the hills drunk
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
