I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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