Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
