so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
