I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
