Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize