pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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