last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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