I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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