I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You can't special order awesome
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
