waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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