My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
