Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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