ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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