My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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