if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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