Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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