I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
