Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I want is dick and wine.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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