this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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