I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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