The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
