I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i love accidental penises.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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