Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Damn victory sex feels great
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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