dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i came on her dog
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can't turn off my feet"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
