Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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