Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
