afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
