we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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