Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
