Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
