i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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