True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
